Guys Just Don't Dig Fiesty Chicks

from JoeUser Forums

I am a bit of a fiesty chick. Shocking I know. It is true though. I speak my mind, and I won't back down, and if I am challenged I will stand my ground. I think it is the best way to be. Alot of the time when I am introduced to new people, I can be a little cheeky, and my sense of humour is naturally sarcastic, and some people just don't know how to take it. Alot of the males I am friends with now have commented that on first meeting me they didn't like me, and it is only over time that they have grown to like me. My best friend, who is male, hated me when he first met me. Now this trend doesn't happen much with girls. Girls generally like me, and don't have a problem with the sarcasm, and cheeky comments. Men take great offense though, and I just don't get it.

I have talked to a few men about this, and questioned what it's about. Alot have said that men don't like confident women, and find it difficult to deal with them. Now I wasn't buying this. Men not liking confident women? What, are we living in the dark ages? I don't think so, but this isn't something that is a one off, it happens all the time. Now it is with boys of my age group, older men can take it on the chin, and don't have a problem with it, but boys my age, if you challenge them, they hate it. So what got me thinking about this? Well my friend was telling me about a girl that works behind the bar in his local. He goes in for a few times a week, and he just doesn't like this girl, and why? Well because she has a smart remark for just about everything, and is pretty sarcastic to boot. Now she has made a few comments to my friend and so far he has let it go.

Now he has told me a few things she has said, and to be honest she just makes me laugh. He said he thinks that she is trying to flirt, but she is failing miserably, and he hates it, and he is close to saying something, in his opinion, she is the staff, and she shouldn't be rude. I pointed out that maybe this was just her nature, and maybe he should just deal with it. That went down well. When he was describing her behaviour I failed to see how it was any different to the way I am. So I pointed this out to him, and he said it is different, because I do it in a nice way. Not that he thought that at first, he thought exactly the same things that he now thinks about that girl.

I realise that first impressions are important, and I also realise that sarcasm isn't always appreciated. Many people just don't get it. Does this mean that maybe I should control it a bit more when I first meet people, and ease them into the verbal abuse I have prepared for them? Hehe. Honestly, I'm not that bad! Sometimes, I can be a little shy when I first meet people. Shyness isn't something I really suffer from, but when I am first introduced to people it sometimes hits me. That's when I'm at my worst. My sense of humour is like a defense mechanism. Humour has got me out of some awkward situatations, and there is no better way of easing a tense situation, than making a joke, so that's where it comes from. I sometimes think I can come across as a little to much, and maybe I should work on my levels of cheekiness. On the other hand, why should I change? If you don't like me. You don't have too.

I wonder why men my age, maybe I should call them boys, have such a problem with confident women. Now I know this isn't all boys, but a large majority of them just don't know how to handle it, and much prefer the nice, sweet girls, who wouldn't say BOO to them. I mean what is the deal with them? Is it not fun to be challenged? Does it not make things a little more interesting and exciting? Or maybe they want to be the ones doing the challenging, and they want to be incharge, and want a girl to worship the ground they walk on, no questions asked. If that is the case, they probably are better off just avoiding girls like me!
5,387 views 28 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sarcasm has its place, but if its actually part of your everyday personality I can see why men won't dig on ya, and its not because you are independent.

I get sarcasm, understand it and occasionally indulge, but with people who already know me well.

If I meet someone and they are overly sarcastic about things from the get go, well it makes me think they are bitter, insecure, and need to work on a higher form of communication.

(I am not saying this about YOU just in general.)

So who wants to hook up with someone like that?

If you want to know if you use it as a crutch in social situations, stop using it all together and see if you miss it. If you find yourself searching for a way to say something that you usually would be sarcastic about, then you may have fallen into the trap of being OVERLY sarcastic. Which usually reads to other people...high maint, can't be pleased, judgemental.

In relationships sometimes sarcasm is called "hostile humor" and it is one of the deadly sins of marriage. The sarcasm is there but when a partner is called on it they say, "just jokin."

Personally I can't stand to be around someone who is sarcastic all the time and it has nothing to do with who they are, just their communication style.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

MM hit the "wrong " button. EHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I love fiesty ladies, do not like marshmellow ones at all.

 

Colleen is fiesty as a fem gets and I love it and her.

Elemental: Reforged
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sometimes sarcasm isn’t easily recognized without at least some knowledge of the person delivering it. It can also be used to insult someone with the out “I was just being sarcastic”. So now they think, I’ve just been insulted and if I respond I just can’t take a joke.

I’m sure not all of your sarcasm is good intentioned and people will need to get to know you before they can tell the difference. I have found sarcasm doesn’t go over well with men or women until there is at least some familiarity between you.

Boys or young men have fragile egos, never more so than when meeting girls. If they don’t get a warm reception their defense mechanism will quickly right you off as just a bitch to protect their egos.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I love sarcasm...I use it all the time. I don't mind a fiesty girl...it saves me from having to do...anything. They know what they want and aren't afraid to say it...and that's just fine with me.

~Zoo
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Fiesty = good

bitch = bad
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
The problem with sarcasm is that unless you know the person, you have no real way of telling if they're being sarcastic. Sarcasm, without proper context, appears to the world identical to being insulting/dismissive/crass.

I will say this, and I'm sure I'll get jumped on for it, but a lot of women who I've heard say "Men just don't like independent women!" are confusing independent with bitchy. You can be an independent person and still be nice. You can be independent and fiesty and not be a complete pain in the ass. Take our newest blogger, jennifer1 for example. Now I'm sure she's just blogging her frustrations to some extent, but with her "I HATE MEN!" bit, I'm given to think she's a bit of a angry bitchy person IRL. I bet she'd describe herself as a fiesty, independent woman and it's the fault of all men that they can't accept her.

Also, there's the confusion of "independent" with "selfish". I also know women who dont give a wit about what other people may want, ever. They only want to do the things they want to do, only want to see the movies they want to see, listen to the music they want to listen to, and will bitch to high heaven when they don't get their way. Is that being fiesty, or just inconsiderate?

Men who behave like that are considered flagrant assholes. They're not considered fiesty or independent, they're considered assholes. Why should the same not apply to women?

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
fiesty does not equal sarcasm

I like a bit of sarcasm in my dealings with people, but not from strangers and it is easy to overdose. I have a cousin who thinks she is being sarcastically funny about a lot of stuff and she really comes across as narrow-minded, bitter, and full of hate. I don't know if she has the sarcasm gene or some scary mutation of it.

I have come up with a saying about sarcasm-- sarcasm is a fine scalpel which most people wield like a blunt weapon. I'm pretty sure I came up with that anyway. Like Stubbyfinger said, to appreciate sarcasm one needs to understand the person delivering it. Another problem is that I think that people mix up sarcasm and satire, but that is another issue. (And Sally, I am not applying this to you. It wouldn't fit with anything I've read of yours. Just a general observation I've made of people)

I think that fiesty is quick-witted, ready for action, voices one's opinions and is able to defend them, admits when one is wrong, and is ready and looking forward to some action and not couch potatoing it.

Colleen is fiesty as a fem gets and I love it and her.


MM...I'm dying to know what are the qualities that make Colleen fiesty. Are they similar to any I listed?

Anyway, I was thinking about this topic as well, so thanks for posting this Sally!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

I wrote about it last year, when the gene was first discovered. I kid you not, there is a 'sarcasm gene'!

Ohh I gotta find that article!  I knew I couldn't help the way I am, haha!

I never had a shortage of fellows interested in me either, so perhaps its just the type of guys you find yourself hanging around with that dont like feisty women.

I think it has alot to do with boys my age group, and they do end up liking me...I just take a bit of getting used to, I think a few people commented here, that when you first meet someone, you don't know how to take how the sarcasm is intended.  I think that's the case with me, that I don't mean it in a nasty way at all.  I'm just a bit cheeky.

Me, I was always attracted to the 'bad boys', and they seem to like feisty women just fine. They'll break your heart in the end, though, after all, they ARE bad boys, right?

Yeah same here.  I'm giving the 'nice boys' a test drive at the moment though, because them bad boys don't just break ya heart, they rip it out and stomp on it!

If I meet someone and they are overly sarcastic about things from the get go, well it makes me think they are bitter, insecure, and need to work on a higher form of communication

I am sarcastic there is no getting away from it, but I don't think that I am an extreme.  It is my sense of humour, and my general nature...I am bitter and insecure, so you could be onto a winner there, hehe!

If you find yourself searching for a way to say something that you usually would be sarcastic about, then you may have fallen into the trap of being OVERLY sarcastic. Which usually reads to other people...high maint, can't be pleased, judgemental.

Hmmm...I don't think I could cope without sarcasm in all honesty, but at the same time I don't think I'd want to completely cut it all out.  I'm happy with it, and it amuses me greatly, and I think I will find someone who appreciates it one day!

I love fiesty ladies, do not like marshmellow ones at all.

We love you too Mod

I’m sure not all of your sarcasm is good intentioned and people will need to get to know you before they can tell the difference. I have found sarcasm doesn’t go over well with men or women until there is at least some familiarity between you.

When I was in my teens, I was a bitch.  Sarcastic, and I had a nasty mouth on me.  As I've got older it is something that I've worked on.  These cutting comments just seem to jump into my head, and it has taken me a long time to control my mouth and not say everything I think.  I am alot nicer than I was then.  But you're right, my sarcasm isn't always nice, and people do have to get to know me to get that.

Boys or young men have fragile egos, never more so than when meeting girls. If they don’t get a warm reception their defense mechanism will quickly right you off as just a bitch to protect their egos.

Yes I get that.  You'd think they would have a little more fight in them though really!

I don't mind a fiesty girl...it saves me from having to do...anything. They know what they want and aren't afraid to say it...and that's just fine with me

Yay!  We need more boys like you

Fiesty = good

bitch = bad

Agreed!

Take our newest blogger, jennifer1 for example. Now I'm sure she's just blogging her frustrations to some extent, but with her "I HATE MEN!" bit, I'm given to think she's a bit of a angry bitchy person IRL. I bet she'd describe herself as a fiesty, independent woman and it's the fault of all men that they can't accept her.

Oh I think that there is a fine line you walk.  Believe me I have walked it, and been on both sides so I know this.  I think in a good balanced way, fiestiness is a good thing, but then I guess I would.  Jennifer's amused me alot, I think she was honest at least, the chick just wanted a good rant I think, and she certainly did that!  Us women all do a bit on man hating now and again

Men who behave like that are considered flagrant assholes. They're not considered fiesty or independent, they're considered assholes. Why should the same not apply to women?

I agree it should.  There is a way of getting an opinion across without being rude.  It is down to the individual how they get their thoughts and opinions across, and how they communicate.

Thanks for the comments x

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have to agree with most of the people here. Sarcasm is great in small doses and usually when you know the person pretty good. Sarcasm is a great weapon for those who don't want to admit they are attacking you. Sometimes it is just right though. I guess balance is what is needed.

Wow, we have some smart people here.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yay! We need more boys like you


Heh...I just desire peace and harmony. If a girl wants to do something or say something, I'm cool with it...as long as she's not mad at me.

Wow, we have some smart people here.


Well...I don't like to brag...

~Zoo
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

sarcasm is a fine scalpel which most people wield like a blunt weapon. I'm pretty sure I came up with that anyway.

...I liked that alot!

(And Sally, I am not applying this to you. It wouldn't fit with anything I've read of yours. Just a general observation I've made of people

Thanks Chick

I think that fiesty is quick-witted, ready for action, voices one's opinions and is able to defend them, admits when one is wrong, and is ready and looking forward to some action and not couch potatoing it.

Can I claim to be that then???

Anyway, I was thinking about this topic as well, so thanks for posting this Sally!

No worries!  Glad you got to share your thoughts!

Sarcasm is great in small doses and usually when you know the person pretty good. Sarcasm is a great weapon for those who don't want to admit they are attacking you. Sometimes it is just right though. I guess balance is what is needed.

I consider myself to be a pretty straight talker.  If I have a point to make, I make it.  Sometimes it can be sarcastically, but people know when I have a problem, and I don't think I use the sarcasm to hide that.  I think you're right, there is a balance.  I have met people who are really sarcastic, and disliked it alot, because nothing they have said appeared to be genuine.  It's all about balance

Heh...I just desire peace and harmony. If a girl wants to do something or say something, I'm cool with it...as long as she's not mad at me.

Aww bless, what a sweetie!

Thanks all xxxx

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Can I claim to be that then???


I think you should definitely claim to be that! Cheers!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top

fiesty does not equal sarcasm

Fiesty = good

bitch = bad

Mason and Momijiki are quite correct.  Strong is not bitchy, and Feisty is just the Joie de vivre.  It really does not equate to bitchy or strong.

As for men being intimidated, I guess you just need to find the right ones.  Some are intimidated, while others admire strong women.

Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
I shan't lie, I like 'em a bit on the fiesty side. That's why I'm so enamored with ya, my dear . . . when I move to Spain, expect at least one visit.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top

when I move to Spain, expect at least one visit.

Last time that happened, Lord nelson sank the fleet!

Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

As for men being intimidated, I guess you just need to find the right ones. Some are intimidated, while others admire strong women.

I agree.  It does depend on the man.  Some appreciate a strong lass!

shan't lie, I like 'em a bit on the fiesty side. That's why I'm so enamored with ya, my dear . . . when I move to Spain, expect at least one visit

Aww thanks babe!  I can't wait...so when is this visit taking place?

Last time that happened, Lord nelson sank the fleet!

Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
To me, sarcasm = humor, and my entire family rolls around it. Haha. Seriously, my husband and I have so much fun together.

So long as sarcasm isn't used as a weapon to hurt the people you love (just the people you don't, ahhahahaha), I don't see why it would harm a relationship (unless you're with some dull jerk who takes everything seriously). Of course, there's a difference between fun, friendly sarcasm and bitter, cynical sarcasm.

Fiesty is great.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm wondering if we don't often confuse with with sarcasm?

I looked up this definition from Link http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/wit

"Synonyms: wit, 1humor, repartee, sarcasm, irony
These nouns denote forms of expression that elicit amusement or laughter. Wit implies intellectual keenness and the ability to perceive and express in a diverting way analogies between dissimilar things: gWit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with wordsh (Dorothy Parker). Humor suggests the faculty of recognizing what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd: gMan's sense of humor seems to be in inverse proportion to the gravity of his professionh (Mary Roberts Rinehart). Repartee implies a facility for answering swiftly and cleverly: gframing comments... that would be sure to sting and yet leave no opening for reparteeh (H.G. Wells). Sarcasm is a form of caustic wit intended to wound or ridicule another: g [His] tone seemed as if meant to be kind and soothing, but yet had a bitterness of sarcasm in ith (Nathaniel Hawthorne). Irony is a form of expression in which an intended meaning is the opposite of the literal meaning of the words used: gA drayman in a passion [a rage] calls out, eYou are a pretty fellow,f without suspecting that he is uttering ironyh (Thomas Macaulay). "

Given these terms, I think my cousin is definitely being sarcastic when she probably (I hope) means to be witty. I would say that I often confuse it in terms of humor that makes me laugh. As well, things that were not mean to wound (hence being witty) could unintentionally become sarcastic if it hits a secret sore spot.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Aww thanks babe! I can't wait...so when is this visit taking place?


If all goes as planned, come January, I'll be doing a "study abroad in Spain." And I'll make sure that gimpy one-armed fella doesn't sink me, Guy.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sally,

I like all my friends to be feisty, to stand up for themselves, to have an opinion, in short, to care enough to speak up. Toni is not backward in coming forward neither are any of my friends. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think you might have it right about the 'boys' in your circle. Young lads don't like to be challenged by women because, for the most part, they're still of the idea that men are the superior sex. As you and I know, this is patently not true. We're equals in most respects, with men being able to do some things better than women and vice versa. The lads have a lot to learn...
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
They are just little woosies (spelling?) aren't they?

Why do you think the gay community is growing so rapidly - men are terrified of women these days, thay have lost their ability to control them

You go girl, be yourself - only a true man worthy of his own salt will be able to stand next to you without fear and not put you down or belittle you he will be a well balanced man to be able to do this, be patient - sometime in your lifetime you will meet one and be very surprised! True - some are actually out there

Men able to stand in the presence (spelling?) of such a mighty being (a strong women ) without turning into a gibbering idiot are far and few between. *doubling up painfully with a deep chuckle!*

Be yourself, so long as you have no intentional hurt in your actions, never change to please another, you only cause damage to your selfrespect.
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
Take our newest blogger, jennifer1 for example. Now I'm sure she's just blogging her frustrations to some extent, but with her "I HATE MEN!" bit, I'm given to think she's a bit of a angry bitchy person IRL. I bet she'd describe herself as a fiesty, independent woman and it's the fault of all men that they can't accept her.


No I do not descibe myself as fiesty and independant! I describe myself as being a broken, chewed up, disrespected, spat out and well used in not so nice a way type of women. This does not make me an angry bitchy person. It makes me a person who rants and gets it off her chest!
.

Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
These nouns denote forms of expression that elicit amusement or laughter. Wit implies intellectual keenness and the ability to perceive and express in a diverting way analogies between dissimilar things: gWit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with wordsh (Dorothy Parker). Humor suggests the faculty of recognizing what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd: gMan's sense of humor seems to be in inverse proportion to the gravity of his professionh (Mary Roberts Rinehart). Repartee implies a facility for answering swiftly and cleverly: gframing comments... that would be sure to sting and yet leave no opening for reparteeh (H.G. Wells). Sarcasm is a form of caustic wit intended to wound or ridicule another: g [His] tone seemed as if meant to be kind and soothing, but yet had a bitterness of sarcasm in ith (Nathaniel Hawthorne). Irony is a form of expression in which an intended meaning is the opposite of the literal meaning of the words used: gA drayman in a passion [a rage] calls out, eYou are a pretty fellow,f without suspecting that he is uttering ironyh (Thomas Macaulay).


aw sheesh now you're just showing off!
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Just to make sure, that definition of wit came from the web, dictionary.com which I linked to. I didn't write it.
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
I like them feisty. Dull women bore me. I have always wanted a woman that can stand up for herself, not that I wouldn't come to her defense if I have to. I just like to know that I can trust leaving her alone.

I'm a bit of a jokester myself. I'm sure many of you here have seen my not-so-good jokes as I reply. I use sarcasm from time to time. I look at it this way, I figure the same way I apply it's use in my jokes I tend to believe people use it the same way. I usually say jokes about something that I actually don't like, kinda like an indirect way to say something without actually saying it.

I can't help trying to be funny. I usually expect most people to be stressed now a day with so many things going on, so I just try to cheer people up a bit.