Captain Cornbread with all due respect this is much more appropriate.
Mrs Tenure: "Thanks Sally for coming over on such short notice to babysit our
three children. Its still $3.50/hour, right?"
Sally: "Well no, its actually $21.25/hour. I have a different rate for
teachers."
Mrs. Tenure: "$21.25?!? That's outrageous! I'm a teacher, and we all know
how underpaid teachers are. What makes you think I should pay such a
ridiculous price?"
Sally: "I read something on the internet about how nice it would be if teachers
were paid like babysitters. So I figured I should be paid like a teacher."
Mrs. Tenure: "I won't pay $21.25 for babysitting!"
Sally: "Suit yourself, we're on strike! Just try to find a babysitter!"
Mrs. Tenure: "Ok, fine. We'll be gone for three hours."
Sally: "That's $210."
Mrs. Tenure: "$210? You said $21.25 per hour!"
Sally: "Yes, but I need an extra hour of preparation time. Your oldest might
want to play ball, so I'll need a coaching stipend. Oh, and don't forget
Babysitter Institute time, retirement contributions, and my free health care.
Then there's the education bonus since I just got my grade school diploma..."
Mrs. Tenure: "Yes, yes, but even all that can't add up to $210!"
Sally: "It doesn't, its only $105. The other $105 is for Joanne."
Mrs. Tenure: "Who is Joanne?"
Sally: "Joanne is the other babysitter. We need smaller babysitting classes to
provide the best babysitting possible. You don't really expect me to babysit
three kids at a time, do you?"
Mrs. Tenure: "Why not? You used to babysit for three, four, even five children
at a time. What's different now?"
Sally: "Times have changed. Kids just aren't as good as they once were. With
all these 'new' problems, like broken families, drugs, and rock music, we're
just swamped. Then there's the 'unfunded mandates'"
Mrs. Tenure: "Wait a minute, what 'unfunded mandates'?"
Sally: "The state requires that we cook meals for children in our care during
mealtimes. And we are required to put children in bed within 30 minutes of
the parent's prescribed bedtime - WITHOUT ADEQUATE STATE FUNDING!"
Mrs. Tenure: "But that's your JOB! What do you think we're paying you for in
the first place?!?"
Sally: "Oh we agree with the goals. After all, our Association fought to
require
these mandates, but the state won't step up and provide the necessary
funding to make it happen."
Mrs. Tenure: "Wow, that's quite a racket! But I guess we have no choice. We'll
be back at 10:00pm."
Sally: "Just a minute, what about the $210?"
Mrs. Tenure: "You want it NOW? We used to pay afterwards."
Sally: "The Babysitter Association contributed to the campaign of State
Senator Mary Rose. She's not running for reelection, so she pushed through
a bill requiring babysitting to be paid for in advance. Its for the kids."
Mrs. Tenure: "You win. Here's the money. See you later."
(Mrs. Tenure returns later that evening to a house in shambles)
Mrs. Tenure: "My god, what happened here?!"
Sally: "We're all done here, goodnight Mrs. T."
Mrs. Tenure: "Hold on, this is totally unacceptable!"
Sally: "If you're unhappy, let your Babysitting Board know."
Mrs. Tenure: "That's not good enough! My children weren't cared for at all!
And what is Joshua doing up?! I said 9:00pm for him!"
Sally: "We got the other two into bed. That's over 66% success, isn't that good
enough? Oh, I know, you're one of those radicals who thinks that EVERY
child should get appropriate care! It's just not realistic!"
Mrs. Tenure: "I've had just about enough of you. You're fired!"
Sally: "I don't think so. I've been babysitting since 6th grade, so you can't
fire
me!"
Mrs. Tenure: "So let me get this straight. You cost too much money, do a poor
job, refuse any form of responsibility for results, and I can't fire you?"
Sally: "That sums it up nicely."
Mrs. Tenure: "I can't believe the outrageous deal your Association got for you
babysitters! I'm stuck unless I want to pay a private babysitter. Since I seem
to have no choice, can you come back next month?"
Sally: "No dice, Mrs. T. My three month break starts next week, but you can
send the checks directly to my parents house."
Mrs. Tenure: "I will NOT pay 12 months of babysitting fees for only nine
months of babysitting? Just who do you think you are?"
Sally: "I'm a babysitter, at least until next year."
Mrs. Tenure: "What happens next year?"
Sally: "I'm retiring. Heck, I'll be almost 17 by then! But I'll pull in 70% of
my
latest salary for the rest of my life, that's why my rate went up so much."
Mrs. Tenure: "Retiring? Nobody in the real world retires that young, much
less making almost as much as they made while working! How can the state
afford that?"
Sally: "It can't. Every year, the state has to kick in about a billion dollars
to
keep our retirement system running. But most people don't know about it, and
we like it that way!"
Mrs. Tenure: "But you simply can't continue to make this kind of money without
annoying local taxpayers. Pretty soon, they'll refuse to give you any more."
Sally: "Its covered, Mrs. T. We finance a few front organizations working to
raise state taxes so people don't get a chance to vote on it. Mr. Tiremart is
working hard to bypass the public and get us our money. Goodnight."
(Sally and Joanne leave)
Joshua: "Mommy, why are you so upset?"
Mrs. Tenure: "Those babysitters are an outrage! We should stand up to them!
I'm so glad our teachers union doesn't pull stuff like that!"