Why Cactoblasta is best suited for presidency

By cactoblasta Posted April 22, 2008 09:24:11

Cactoblasta would make the best president for three reasons. He will get respect from foreign nations, he has all the necessary experience, and he will lead the nation through the turbulent times we face.

First, Cacto would make the best president because he will get respect from foreign nations. As an experienced and well-known resident of Not-America he has the connections and the charm to sway other Non-Americans to his will. This will dramatically reduce the political fallout of the US international agenda.

Second, Cacto would make the best choices for America because he has the necessary experience. As a charming young man in his 20s, he knows all. Compared to geriatrics mired in their doubt and insecurity, his certainty and positive thinking will give the US a fighting chance in the global economy. His considerable experience in deceit, half-truth and reinterpretation will also provide a political climate favourable for correct decision-making, if only through the exclusion of alternative thought.

Third, Cactoblasta is the best presidential candidate because he will lead the nation through the dangerous times ahead safely. Cacto looks both ways before crossing the street and always throws salt over his shoulder when threatened by werewolves. This is proven by his previous two points.

Cactoblasta is America's best Presidential Candidate because he can lead the nation through the dangers ahead, he is experienced, and will recieve respect from our opponents and allies alike.

NB: This article is in absolutely no way inspired by Erathoniel's or San Chonino's vastly inferior arguments, and is not a result of a desire to get in on a new meme before it crushes the world in its path.

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We all know evil koalas have infiltrated the US. Drop-bears. What about the drop-bears, man?!?!

Well, the Simpsons had it completely wrong. There are no such thing as evil koalas. C'mon, don't you know the Simpsons is an invention, a fiction? On the other hand, Drop Bears are very real and hardly ever seen. Any pictures you might find on the internet are purely speculation as no one has ever survived coming close enough to one of these viscious marsupial carnivores to describe what they look like. See, there are still mysteries in the world.

Here is where I admit that every Australian I've ever known (via JU or IRL or both) has been incredibly intelligent, witty, and wonderful.

I used to go to 2 other sites and the Aussies in there were the same way.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Hey, Maso, got a spare room?

Anytime, mate.

Here is where I admit that every Australian I've ever known (via JU or IRL or both) has been incredibly intelligent, witty, and wonderful.

I'm blushing. It's not a good look on a mostly grown man. You should be ashamed of yourself.

We've all watched The Simpsons. We all know evil koalas have infiltrated the US. Drop-bears. What about the drop-bears, man?!?!

You'll find out. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

EDIT: Maso has it right. Drop bears are rare and terribly dangerous. Not even Steve Irwin had the courage to hunt one, and than man was as mad as a cut snake.

And not only in here. Before discovering JU I used to go to 2 other sites and the Aussies in there were the same way. If it's in the water they need to bottle it and send to the U.S.

You've just got to relax, love the beach and outdoor entertainments, live in a warm environment and be mildly racist and I think you'll get the Aussie vibe. Oh, and have no respect for authority figures. That's a must.

Oh, and have no respect for authority figures.

Authority figures cured me of that malady.

Most of this applies to me, although I'm not even mildly racist and I don't like most codes of football. Still, the rest is spot on.