Why Cactoblasta is best suited for presidency

from JoeUser Forums

Cactoblasta would make the best president for three reasons. He will get respect from foreign nations, he has all the necessary experience, and he will lead the nation through the turbulent times we face.

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First, Cacto would make the best president because he will get respect from foreign nations.  As an experienced and well-known resident of Not-America he has the connections and the charm to sway other Non-Americans to his will. This will dramatically reduce the political fallout of the US international agenda.

 

Second, Cacto would make the best choices for America because he has the necessary experience. As a charming young man in his 20s, he knows all. Compared to geriatrics mired in their doubt and insecurity, his certainty and positive thinking will give the US a fighting chance in the global economy. His considerable experience in deceit, half-truth and reinterpretation will also provide a political climate favourable for correct decision-making, if only through the exclusion of alternative thought.

 

Third, Cactoblasta is the best presidential candidate because he will lead the nation through the dangerous times ahead safely. Cacto looks both ways before crossing the street and always throws salt over his shoulder when threatened by werewolves. This is proven by his previous two points.


   Cactoblasta is America's best Presidential Candidate because he can lead the nation through the dangers ahead, he is experienced, and will recieve respect from our opponents and allies alike.

 

NB: This article is in absolutely no way inspired by Erathoniel's or San Chonino's vastly inferior arguments, and is not a result of a desire to get in on a new meme before it crushes the world in its path.

19,138 views 29 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Vote for me! I'm better looking! And American!

(So what if I'm an ex-pat living in Spain? Petty issues!)
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
20s? You fail on age alone! :LOL:

Seriously, you would hate the job. No more trivializing. ;)
CursorFX - Customize your Windows cursor
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

Fail.

I should run for president.

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hmm...nah. Obviously I'm the best suited for president. I may be only on the cusp of 20, but I reckon I can turn the nation around...at any rate, a retarded monkey could do a better job than this last president.

~Zoo
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hmm, I like that he's from Not-America, but I'm concerned about his werewolf management ideas. A potential Presidential candidate should know that a silver bullet is the most effective remedy.

Cactoblasta - Weak on werewolves!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
retarded monkey could do a better job than this last president.
End of quote


You are about to find out if this is true in about 7 months.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
retarded monkey could do a better job than this last president.


You are about to find out if this is true in about 7 months
End of quote


If you mean Obama, you're a racist!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Haha...you used the word 'meme.'  I love it.  I'm going to go look at the other posts this references, and if none of them used "meme," you have my vote.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
If you mean Obama, you're a racist!
End of quote


I had not thought of that, but yea, I guess I have to be labelled one!

(IN my best child's voice) But Zoo said it first! ;)
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Damn 'meme'. Wins the votes every time. :P
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
(IN my best child's voice) But Zoo said it first!
End of quote


But I want Obama to win. :P Well, if I don't get the nomination, that is.

~Zoo
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Vote for me. I know everything. Always.

Stupid 'meme.'
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hmm, I like that he's from Not-America, but I'm concerned about his werewolf management ideas. A potential Presidential candidate should know that a silver bullet is the most effective remedy.

Cactoblasta - Weak on werewolves!
End of quote


Werewolves are people too - I see no reason to kill them when polling reveals 10% of likely voters carry the curse.

The real slogan is Cactoblasta - friend of the werewolf!

Haha...you used the word 'meme.' I love it. I'm going to go look at the other posts this references, and if none of them used "meme," you have my vote.
End of quote


Hurrah! I've always known it was better to sound clever than to be clever.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Lynch him!
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top


I should win! I have bumper stickers!

:LOL:

PS Thanks, Ted.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Werewolves are people too - I see no reason to kill them when polling reveals 10% of likely voters carry the curse.

The real slogan is Cactoblasta - friend of the werewolf!
End of quote


Ahhh...so I see you're one of those liberal "PC" freaks! Werewolves eat babies and they have nukes!
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top

As another citizen of Not-America, I should show support for my fellow citizen, but dammit, Izzy is so cute, I can't resist.  Besides, while you're a friend of Werewolves, you failed to mention anything about Drop Bears.  What about the Drop Bears?

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Cactoblasta is above bumper stickers, horrible, disloyal things that they are. His supporters bear his name tattooed into their foreheads. They wear their allegiance with pride on their face, not on the rear of their car, covered in soot and shame.

On the subject of drop bears: As the president of the US I will undoubtedly have no drop bear-related policies, as most Americans couldn't find Australia on a map, let alone understand the nightmare that is the falling terror.

Their ignorance shall be their shield against the darkness.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
While I commend Maso for his unwavering support for the Izzy candidacy, I am concerned about Cacto's drop-bear policies.

My chief concern regarding drop-bears is this:

What the hell are drop-bears? They sound cute. Are they terrible?
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top

as most Americans couldn't find Australia on a map, let alone understand the nightmare that is the falling terror. 

Their ignorance shall be their shield against the darkness.

End of quote

But isn't darkness exactly what a Drop Bear requires to launch an attack?  Oh, wait a minute, have I just revealed a secret defence strategy.  Okay, I'll shut up now.

Tex,

Sorry, can't say any more about you know what *wink* 

Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
But isn't darkness exactly what a Drop Bear requires to launch an attack? Oh, wait a minute, have I just revealed a secret defence strategy. Okay, I'll shut up now.
End of quote


shutupshutupshutup or you'll reveal the plan for taking over the US with a secret drop bear army.
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
Here is where I admit that every Australian I've ever known (via JU or IRL or both) has been incredibly intelligent, witty, and wonderful.

So, you're from Not-America, and an awesome Aussie. But still, there's the drop bears. Google has a koala savagely eating another animal. I do believe this is something that needs to be openly addressed.

We've all watched The Simpsons. We all know evil koalas have infiltrated the US. Drop-bears. What about the drop-bears, man?!?!
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
What about the Drop Bears?
End of quote


He must be a Specist!  :SURPRISED: 
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top

Here is where I admit that every Australian I've ever known (via JU or IRL or both) has been incredibly intelligent, witty, and wonderful.
End of quote

And not only in here. Before discovering JU I used to go to 2 other sites and the Aussies in there were the same way. If it's in the water they need to bottle it and send to the U.S.

Makes me want to visit even more. Hey, Maso, got a spare room? ;)

Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top

We all know evil koalas have infiltrated the US. Drop-bears. What about the drop-bears, man?!?!
End of quote

Well, the Simpsons had it completely wrong.  There are no such thing as evil koalas.  C'mon, don't you know the Simpsons is an invention, a fiction?